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Tag: Congress

Campaign Finance Bill May Pass; System Threatens To Work from February 13th, 2002
Stunned onlookers watched in horror in the House of Representatives today as the system made real threats to actually work. The passage of the Shays-Meehan bill would have wide-ranging ramifications ...
Group of Republicans Refuse to Flee Country from November 28th, 2005
Several Republican lawmakers said today they will refuse to flee to Mexico with the rest of the party's elected officials. Most of the as-yet un-indicted Republicans in Washington made a break for the...
Traficant's Evil Twin Sought for Questioning from July 16th, 2002
Ohio Democrat James Traficant's evil twin has eluded capture yet again, befuddling criminal investigators. So-called "Jim" Traficant is wanted for question regarding a series of bribery and other form...
Cloned Pigs Could Make Better Politicians from March 26th, 2006
This week a group of university researchers made headlines when they announced they created cloned pigs that could ...
Condit Admits To Wrongdoing; Public Responds With Apathy from October 20th, 2001
"That's right, I did it," said Rep. Gary Condit on the apparent murder of his associate, Chandra Levey whom has been missing for months. "It was me, me me me!" Condit also gave precise details on how ...
Dems Say Capitol Needs More Bipartisanship; Reps Say Needs More Fuck You from May 18th, 2001
Sen. John Breaux (D-LA) said on CNN's The Spin Room tonight, "I think that what the Congress needs now is more bipartisanship, that's the only way we can move together into a brighter tomorrow....
Bush Seen Chasing Russell Feingold Down Senate Corridor from May 23rd, 2001
Members the Bush team have been spotted on Capitol Hill running amok, trying to get in last minute "swirlees" to Senate Democrats after Senator James Jeffords will drop out of the Republican party han...
House Bans French National Colors from March 30th, 2003
Following suit with the "Freedom Fries" and "Freedom Toast" served in its cafeteria, a motion was passed in the House of Representatives to ban the national colors of France in its chambers. "This ac...
Microsoft Accuses Government Of Having Monopoly On Lawmaking from May 2nd, 2001
Anticipating widely expected vindication form an appellate appeals court yesterday, Microsoft accused the federal government of having a monopoly on law creation and enforcement in the United States. ...
Carnage In The Senate from March 19th, 2001
Furious deabte during the first day of the feared McCain-FeinGold campaign finance reform bill debate today, the first time such a bill has survived to reach open debate, left overwhelming brutality o...
Democrats Intercept Senate Early In 1st Quarter from June 7th, 2001
Now-Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle (D-SD) pushed back Republicans across the field early in the game with the finalization of Senator James Jeffords' (I-VT) sudden defection from GOP territory. T...
Republicans Plan Extravagant GOP Prisons from March 2nd, 2006
Republican legislators in Congress are creating massive and intricate GOP-only prisons in a series of bills presented in the past weeks. "I couldn't live without a fax machine," said Bob Ney (R-OH) r...
Boston Red Sox Take Senate from November 3rd, 2004
In an emotional and startling victory, the Boston Red Sox won the United States Senate on Tuesday. The triumph is the first time the Sox have won a branch of government in more than 80 years. "It's a...

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