DUBAI, QATAR -- The State Department and several US embassies have warned tourists from travelling to the middle east, citing the possibility of imminent terrorist attacks.
    "You could tell they started skimping on the whipped cream at that caf� in Riyadh, plus the cashier didn't ask us anything, like 'enjoyed your Latt�,' 'Hope the Moche turned out okay,' he just weirded us out while we paid," said Secretary of State Colin Powell. "Is nothing sacred?"
    Saudi dissidents like Osama bin Laden have become annoyed at what it calls arrogant American imperialism like landing F-117s at drive throughs and never having enough American dollar bills to pay without breaking a 20.
    As a result all US ships have been put to sea and nearly 20,000 soldiers have been confined to their bases as a result of the threat of withheld ketchup packets or plastic coffee stirrers. Forces throughout the gulf are now on high alert at "force protection condition Delta," which means that that snooty waiter could give us a dirty look any second now.