BOSTON -- The first gay marriage licenses were issued today in Massachusetts, and a massive series of earthquakes destroyed most of California at the same time.
    "News is hard to come by with most of Manhattan island demolished," said New York Times editor Debra Sayles. "We're mostly trying to seek out our families see who's made it so far."
    "If only we had passed the Federal Marriage Amendment," said Washington, DC resident Robert Levitt as roving anarchist bands pillaged the city while police refused to take to the streets. "Then perhaps this horrible tragedy could have been averted."