MOUNT SINAI -- "O most wicked and foul of corporations," said God spokesperson Archangel Gabriel, "Under the terms of the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, He, Our Lord, demands Celera Genomics [Nasdaq: CRA] be punished most severely for its insidious and illegal reverse engineering of the DNA of man, created of His divine flesh." DNA encryption is the schema used in all of God's lucrative product line.
    US Attorney General John Ashcroft said that the litigation "would most certainly suceed." He later added he was happy for God's continued support on gun rights issues.
    The damages God is seeking are substantial. "God is being robbed of the licensing fees he normally collects," said Gabriel. "He is an Artist and His creations must be protected."
    Lawyers representing Celera commented, "Our maps of the human genome constitute a parody, perfectly legal and itself protected under international copyright law. We also consider God's requested damages of being boiled upside-down in Purgatory for a thousand years to be a bit excessive."