Robert Downey Junior has had leading roles in Richard III and True Believer, a critically acclaimed part in the popular Fox series Ally McBeal, 17 separate felony drug charges and now the title of Director of National Drug Control Policy, the "Drug Czar" post that controls much of federal enforcement of drug policy.
   
   

(CLOCKWISE) Attorney General John Ashcroft, approved despite strong public opposition, Irish Ambassador Patrick Egan, gave nearly 0,000 to the Bush campaign, the new Secretary of Cats, whom experts claim will have difficulty dealing with the Secretary

Sportsman Darryl Strawberry will be leaving Yankee stadium's left field and a maximum security federal prison to join the team as Deputy Director. Both were unavailable for comment.
   
    Bush made the announcement was made at a special unshackling ceremony attended by Attorney General John Ashcroft, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and 90 heavily armed federal marshals. The officers released Downey from full body restraint, muzzle and gag for the ceremony, though his drool cup was left in place to keep him from ruining his rags.
   
    "I am extremely confident in Mr. Downey's abilities," The President said, handing him a special sedative/anti-psychotic cocktail symbolic to his new duties. "He has the strength, dedication and commitment that I have, and together we can work to get crime off our streets."
   
    Democrats had recently complained the administration had only made 11% of his most important appointment positions. These comments were retracted. "We understand make appointments may take some time," said Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-SD). "We encourage the president to take really as much time as he wants on this."
   
    Downey's nomination is expected to be quickly approved in the Senate while Republicans hold the key Judiciary Committee. "We fully stand behind Mr. Bush," said chairman Orrin Hatch. "Mr. Downey is the best man for the job." Under the recently approved rules approved by the Ways and Means Committee to manage the evenly divided Senate, Democrats can delay a decision but are not allowed to vote against it.
   
    "We wanted to postpone the decision and then approve him." said Senate Minority Whip Harry Reid (D-NV). "We think there may be occurances in the past which may bias Downey's decisions in this matter."
   
    Hatch refuted these claims. "He is the president. I think we can trust his judgement."
   
    An earlier item in the series of controversial decisions made by the Bush team released last week was Dolemite's appointment to be the Secretary of Women's Issues. "The 'W' in George W. stands for 'Women,'" said a cheery Bush. Dolemite agreed, "Yea, now we gonna get those bitches in line." The President laughed and said, "Yes, bipartisanship is important to everyone in Washington, we have to come to consensus so that everybody is happy."
   
    Dolemite was quickly approved by the Senate despite screaming rumors that the appointee had once commanded a team of killer kung-fu whores, killed rival pimps and was arrested with massive quantities of dope. The allegations were loud but short. Such altercations were nowhere to seen at today's celebration.
   
    However, all the festivities may have been too much excitement for the dynamic duo. "Mr. Downey just kind of slumped over." said onlooker Christine Willis, age 9. "and Mr. Strawberry just looked so happy he was speechless."