NEW YORK CITY -- The scientific world is reeling from an announcement from BMG Entertainment that it has successfully duplicated, developed and marketed two human clones from a single host, Britney Spears. The names Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore may go down in history along the likes of Dolly the sheep, the first cloned mammal.
   
    "We knew they appeared successful, but there was no way of knowing until we got the sales figures," said Rolf Schmidt-Holtz, President and CEO, BMG Entertainment. "When we got those numbers we were blown away by the quality of the copies."
   
    "The exactness of the copy was amazing, right down to eye retinas and album covers, lyrics and target demographics," Kevin Conroy, BMG Chief Marketing Officer and President of New Technology, "this project was a major success."
   
    There are of course a myriad of ethical quagmires associated with human cloning. It represents a radical manipulation of the constitutive relationality and complementarity which is at the origin of human procreation in both its biological and strictly personal aspects. However these problems were all circumvented because Spears is not a human being.
   
    "Speaking as a unique sub-species of man whose genetic code is patented by the corporation that owns her," Spears said in a recent TRL interview, "I can tell you sometimes it's hard. But you just have to keep on going, keep on performing because that's not only what you do best but is also the sole function of your greatly modified brain structure."
   
    "We hope one day that the knowledge that was gained here could someday be used with actual human beings," said Ian Wilmut of the Roslin Institute in Edinburgh, Scotland, who created "Dolly," an early clone, "Or at least with animals that have some degree of sentience."
   
   

The clones were created Lysine deficient, to qualm fears of escape.

However, others are more skeptical. "The process of cloning has a staggeringly high failure rate," Rudolf Jaenisch, a cloning specialist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research. "Those that do survive end up dying days or weeks later from kidney failure, cardiopulmonary failure, immune system deficiencies or physical deformities."
   
    One person whom formerly worked in the massive subterranean BMG labs where cloning took place but now speaks against the practice, Dr. Robert Morris, confirmed that random variation had considerably affected the group's work. "She was born without a vagina- we had to reroute her internal systems such that all urinal excretions were expelled orally during performances constituting her 'music.'"
   
    A spokesman for BMG denied the accusations as rumor. "Britney feels that her virginity is very important to her." said an executive at a recent press conference. "We think that this shows the strength of her character, to uphold the Middle-American values we want to subvert." He said later, "Any 'special' differences our girls have are a part of nature, a beautiful thing- perhaps even incredible enhancements."
   
    "I love Britney! I want to look just like Britney, I want her dress, her shoes, her eyes, legs and hands," said one little girl.