WASHINGTON, DC -- In retaliation to the discovery of alleged Russian double-agent Robert Hanssen, sources confirmed that the State Department has asked 50 Russian diplomats to return to their homeland on suspicion of acting as intelligence officers.
    The suspected agents took many tours of national facilities, including FBI headquarters in Quantico, VA and the White House. "They took many pictures, and many have acquired very dangerous information," said one unnamed source [John Turkhower, White House tour guide], "such as 'The White House was taken and burned by the British in 1812' and ''George Washington was sworn in on this Bible.' and 'James Polk once sat on this chair.'"