WASHINGTON, DC -- Today, the subject of President Bush's ass was on the front page of every major newspaper. The President was going to undergo a "routine" colonoscopy procedure at the White House.
    "Bush was to transfer power temporarily during the procedure to Vice President cheney," said a reporter for the New York Times. "But really we wanted to talk about his ass, and things going in it. It's fascinating news." The procedure will include the insertion of an optical device while the president is mildly sedated.
    "The transfer of power is always captivating newmaking," said Washington Post political correspondent James Hayworth. "But asses, especially asses of power are a subject the public is consumed by and can really connect with. We see more asses in power every day because of this."