WASHINGTON, DC -- Furious deabte during the first day of the feared McCain-FeinGold campaign finance reform bill debate today, the first time such a bill has survived to reach open debate, left overwhelming brutality on the floor. Blood, hair and false teeth were strewn about like dead leaves after a windstorm.
    According to witnesses, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) called Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), "a dirty slut for letting soft money donars give it to him in the ass" to which McConnell replied, "you're just a little uptight prude," and, "I bet you're just jealous because a health care conglomerate wouldn't fuck you even if you wanted them to."
    Soon the two broke out into the center of the Senate floor screaming, pulling on each other's hair and viciously clawing at and biting each other in a no-holds-barred attack. The other Senators first surrounded the duo in a circle chanting for their favored ally to win the skirmish, then Sen. Feingold (D-WI) jumped in to "double team" McConnell and soon most of Congress was involved in an all-out gang brawl.