NEW YORK CITY -- Americans now have more credit available to them than ever before, but such credit was limited only to living human beings 18 years of age or older. Changing all of that, yesterday the Federal Reserve altered requirements so that now common inanimate objects of the home can have the credit extended to them that they deserve.
    "Due to their exceptional credit history now even chunks of raw or processed matter can have the credit they need so much. We didn't want them to miss out on these incredible deals any longer," said explained chairman Alan Greenspan.
    Under the new regulations household items such as computers, cell phones and DVD players can have credit limits of up to $5000 with a short-term APR of at least 1.9%.
    "When I made this clay vase in 8th grade, I thought it would just be a mediocre work of art," said Sally Perkins, Austin, MN. "Now it's a borrower capable of spending thousands of dollars of its future income immediately."