LOS ANGELES -- "We told you we would always find the story -- no matter how far we had to go to get it," said CNN anchor Aaron Brown. "Thank goodness I only have to walk to the other side of the office."
    In yet another media feeding frenzy turned cannabalistic, CNN apologized today for ads labelling achorwoman Paula Zahn as "sexy," for which it was attacked by other news agencies. CNN controversially lured Zahn away from rival Foxnews, the network which recently lured Greta van Sustren away from CNN in a high-profile, well-reported move.
    Area hospital have been flooded by news reporters reporting light-headedness, dizzyness and loss of balance due to excessively spinning around like tops. Doctors have urged caution and restraint to journalists. "Unless O.J. Simpson goes on trial again," said Dr. Johanna Swengal. "Then feel free to go absolutely apeshit."