JACKSONVILLE, AL -- 5' 11", 160-pound Ashley Martin became the first female football player in the history of the NCAA last week. She even scored three extra points for her team, the Jacksonville State Gamecocks. She received cheers and chants from the audience and received an overwhelming amount of press coverage.
    "We're hoping that a female player may draw female interest in the sport, said Gamecock coach Jack Crowe. "Plus she looks really hot in the helmet. Oh my God," he continued.
    Despite all the euphoria, a controversey has arisen. "According to records," said activist Elle Hahn, "Ashley was bribed to attend Jacksonville 33% less than her male counterparts. This is typical of the male-dominitated, chauvenistic society we live in today." Hahn is the president of the campus group, Women for Equal Opportunity to Legally Questionable Activities.
    "Equal bribes now!" chanted members of the group outside the game.