NEW YORK CITY -- Untold scores of news reporters have been shot dead after they allegedly generated unhumane puns associated with Monopoly game fraud-related coverage. The journalists are being assasinated by government troops enforcing a 1960s-era executive order promising the immediate death to those responsible for pun-related crimes against humanity.
    "McTheft? The conspirators may go directly to jail! Where there will be no Free Parking!" said Charles Swift of MSNBC shortly before a wave of teflon-coated rounds shattered his rib cage.
    The McDonald's Monopoly Game, found to be at the center of a massive scam, is perhaps the worst bad pun scare since the 1978 breakup of The Who. The death penalty in such cases has been largely ignored by detractors of capital punishment.
    "The Angel of Death's dark hand has swept them beyond this world," said a solemn Attornery General Ashcroft. "We like to call him the 'Paingel of Death' here at the office," he chuckled.